Praying for Bree

It's been a rough few days. I found out my friend's daughter is missing. Bree, 22, has been missing since Dec 26th. She has two little girls, 5 and 1. Here mother Darlene and I have known each other for over 10 years and I can't imagine the ache in my darling friend's heart. I am so exhausted with grief over this but I know it's not even an ounce of the heavy heart my friend is feeling. I just can't even believe this is happening. I hope she finds her way back home soon. For my friend, her daughter and all their family, please send prayers and positive energies.

A message to parents of autistic children

My name is Lisa. I'm a single mom of two boys and my oldest son has mild/moderate autism. I work full time so I have plenty on my plate managing both work and home and fulfilling the needs of both my boys. Juggling it all can be challenging, but never dull! To make things more interesting, my co-parent seems to be in denial at times because he does not seem to fully accept the limitation our son has.

Some days I'm on the verge of tears, but my boys keep me up beat and going.

I knew very early on he was autistic. Before he was even diagnosed. I saw many characteristic in him that were similar to my cousin's child that has sever autism

When he was 2 he was not yet talking and was having meltdowns over not being able to communicate. To the point that he was bang his head on the floor. We learned sign language and that help A LOT! Since then, with the help of Regional Center, he was getting Early Intervention, Speech therapy and OT. Right now he is in 2nd grade and in the Special Day program at an LAUSD school and is receiving Speech, OT and AEP. I'm also trying to get services for ABA (applied behavior analysis)

Why behavior? He yells, a lot. And not really out of anger. He is very excitable and it can be overwhelming at times. Also, discipline. It can be pretty difficult for an autistic child to comprehend cause and effect and consequences. When I am trying to discipline he laughs uncontrollably and it can be pretty frustrating. Then I find that I get frustrated with myself for not having more patience.

You are NOT alone

My meet up group

So I created my own meet up group called Just Bead It! I'm hoping I can get some classes going on making jewelry. Should be a fun way to meet new people. I was never one for meeting new people, just kinda stuck to my own or within my current click. It was always a scary thing for me, but I'm over it. I have to get out there when the kids are gone with their dad. It's not good to just stay home doing the same 'ol thing. It's been fun meeting new people. Meetup.com has introduced me to people with interests that I have. I love the friends I have, but we don't always connect on everything. Nothing wrong with that.

bloggity blog blog

Come to think of it, I've been blogging for a while now...I started way back in 2001 when I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Wow. Blogging had only been around for a few years then. I look back at my story now and it seems like ages ago! Well I guess it kinda was. 10 years ago on Nov. 13, 2001 I was diagnosed and so many good things have happened since then. But I will always remember because it reminds me that life is too short. Too short for regrets so don't let anything stop you, no matter what your situation is!

Welcome to the survivors club Susan!

On my way to work yesterday I was thinking about finally writing this blog. I've been meaning to for a couple of weeks now, but just hadn't gotten around to it. So I made a plan to start writing it. It's seems fitting that I made a point yesterday to start this because, of all days, we got a surprise visit at work from a lovely friend and fellow cancer survivor. It's no coincidence.

When I first interviewed at Regency 12 years ago Susan was the first person I met so I've known her from day one. And when I was diagnosed 10 years ago with Lymphoma, she was one of my many supporters of my Regency "family". Being the HR manager at the time, she handled all the "work" stuff as far as insurance, FMLA, disability goes, but she didn’t stop there. She made herself available on a personal level. As a friend. In our company wide meeting, the owner told us he had a special guest to speak to us, and in walked Susan with her husband David. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. It was great to see her in such high spirits. She spoke about being thankful; for the love, the support, the prayers, and the cancer. It's not an easy thing to do to come to terms with the diagnosis, but for me, it made the process less stressful. I see how Susan has been so strong in this process and that comes from her faith. She has said that God is ultimately in control in their lives and what a privilege it is for her prayers and the prayers of her supporters to be answer. I think it solidified her faith even more than I think she thought possible.

Last month, someone here in our LA office made a quilt for Susan and the owner of our company hand deliver it to her on her last day of chemo on 9/16/11. The quilt included 20 squares where the executive team wrote some words of prayer, encouragement and inspiration. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to also write a special note to Susan on one of these squares! I was so honored. I am also so very honored that I could be here for her as she was for me 10 years ago. The quilt also included untied pink ribbons and everyone in our building was invited to tie bows with the ribbons as a symbol of payer and support. It was a truly remarkable day.

So much to do!

I went to a scrapbook workshop Friday night. I took my mom and it was a lot of fun and it gave us that jump start we needed to get back into it. I started up again about 2 months or so ago, but had only completed a few pages in that time. This weekend I went full out. I started a book of studio pics of the boys which I will continue as I have pictures done every year. But I was able to start and complete what I had from the time Emileo's 1 year studio pics were done till present with both boys. Then I finally started the Sea World book from our trip in 2008 (yes, 2008!). It's about a 12 or 15 page scrap book which I nearly completed! I only have 2 pages left on that one. I can not wait to get more done. I really should set aside some time every week for this. It is always a work in progress and we are always taking picture.

I love when I get these little burst of creative ideas. I saw some fabulous ideas this weekend for rings and cuffs that I can not wait to get started on. So many things I just want to get started on and I'd much rather be doing that stuff than being at work some days!

About Meetup

I'm a member of meetup.com and it's a fun site that I found by accident. I had been looking for support groups for families with children with Autism and came across this site. It was a meet up group for play dates with other families so I joined. In the weeks that followed, I started to receive emails for local meet ups in my area with interested that I entered in my critera. Now I'm in several meetup groups including family oriented meet ups, photography meet ups, singles meet ups, women getting together meet ups, and scrapbook meet ups. What I didn't know about meet up is that it was all started after 9/11.

I received an email today from Scott Heiferman, Co-Founder & CEO of Meetup and it's an interesting story of how this came about.
Fellow Meetuppers,
I don't write to our whole community often, but this week is special because it's the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and many people don't know that Meetup is a 9/11 baby.

Let me tell you the Meetup story. I was living a couple miles from the Twin Towers, and I was the kind of person who thought local community doesn't matter much if we've got the internet
and tv. The only time I thought about my neighbors was when I hoped they wouldn't bother me.

When the towers fell, I found myself talking to more neighbors in the days after 9/11 than ever before. People said hello to neighbors (next-door and across the city) who they'd normally
ignore. People were looking after each other, helping each other, and meeting up with each other. You know, being neighborly.

A lot of people were thinking that maybe 9/11 could bring people together in a lasting way. So the idea for Meetup was born: Could we use the internet to get off the internet -- and grow local communities?

We didn't know if it would work. Most people thought it was a crazy idea -- especially because terrorism is designed to make people distrust one another.

A small team came together, and we launched Meetup 9 months after 9/11.

Today, almost 10 years and 10 million Meetuppers later, it's working. Every day, thousands of Meetups happen. Moms Meetups, Small Business Meetups, Fitness Meetups... a wild variety of
100,000 Meetup Groups with not much in common -- except one thing.

Every Meetup starts with people simply saying hello to neighbors. And what often happens next is still amazing to me. They grow businesses and bands together, they teach and motivate each other, they babysit each other's kids and find other ways to work together. They have fun and find solace together. They make friends and form powerful community. It's powerful stuff.

It's a wonderful revolution in local community, and it's thanks to everyone who shows up.

Meetups aren't about 9/11, but they may not be happening if it weren't for 9/11.

9/11 didn't make us too scared to go outside or talk to strangers. 9/11 didn't rip us apart. No, we're building new community together!!!!

The towers fell, but we rise up. And we're just getting started with these Meetups.

Yeah, I fight like a girl

I received a link to a wonderful site. I love the campaign, Fight Like A Girl! It's full of info and inspiring stories for not only cancer (of which I am 9 years in remission of) but for many different diseases. I hope you will join me in spreading the word. I fight like a girl and I'm damn proud of it!

Another school year begins.

The kids had their first day of school yesterday. I took the day off so I could be at there when Emileo was greeted by his teacher and find out who's class Diego would be in. It was a very exciting day for all of us. Kinder and 2nd grade; where has the time gone. I hope that I will always be able to take the first day back to school off. I just want to make it a special day for them and see them off to their next milestone in their school life. They were very cooperative getting out of bed (yay), had their breakfast, brushed their teeth and made their bed. I'm so proud of them taking on responsibilities.
Then it was off to school. Once we dropped off Emileo at the gate where his teacher was waiting for him and all his other students, we walked over to the auditorium where the Kinder teachers would be to take all the pre-school grads to their new class. He saw many of his friends there. One by one each teacher went to the front of the auditorium and started calling names. Diego would get so excited when he'd hear one of his old class mates get called up; and then slightly disappointed when he didn't get called. Me too. There are 4 kinder classes and he wasn't called up until finally the 4th group of kids. Thankfully there were a few kids from his old class.
What an exciting time it must be for them. I'm sure they were filled with a mix of excitement and nerves. Or maybe that was just me :)
Once the kids were off, me and mom ran some errands and meet back at my house so that we could pick up the boys. It was such a long day and I was wondering if it felt long for the boys too. While I was out I stopped at the market and picked up so donuts as a special treat. When we got to the school they were so happy and excited. They had a good day.

one day, at the swap meet

I am an amateur photographer. I take pics with little thought, just what looks good to me. I'm learning to edit photos with my software and want to learn more about composition and use it when taking pics. I've taken photo classes way back in the day when we actually used film, manually used aperture and shutter settings to achieve different effects, developed our own film with smelly chemicals, and exposed out images onto photo paper in a dark room. I want to learn to be a great photographer

sub·mis·sive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient

I find that a lot of my friends are still angry with my ex. Well, yeah I get that, but more angry than I am. But the reality is, I'm over it. It's old to be so angry. OK, well sometimes he pisses me off, but the amount of time that I really deal with him, it's hardly worth the energy.
Take this birthday party I'm having. I told one of my friends, "R is going to be there", she said, "WHY? How does he know about the party? You told him?" I knew this would be her reaction, and I'd rather she have it now than at the party. So to make it easier for me, I'd rather she know up front because I don't want to deal with drama at a 7 year old's birthday party. Last year when I had my younger son's birthday party he said "is dad gonna come?" How could I not invite him after that? Why would I deny my son his dad? This year, neither of my sons asked, but my ex asked if I was doing anything, so I told him. I wasn't gonna lie, and you know why? Because my son is so excited for his party I didn't want my ex to find out by way of the kids and put them in that position. Like they are supposed to hide things from dad. That's not teaching them anything positive. So yeah, I told him and said he was welcome to come. I can deal with it for a few hours in my day. And his sisters are going to be there and they just love the kids. Actually they don't even talk to their brother, my ex. They would rather visit the kids at my house. They never ask him if they can visit the kids on his weekends. So I have buffers.

I wonder though if my friends think I'm too submissive. The fact is, you get what you give. If I'm clam, he's calm. If I react, he reacts. I found during the divorce process that it's easy to remain quite and calm. Ummm, ok it was hard, but became easier with time. I'm an emotional person and can react to things quickly, so my new demeanor was a new thing to him. It caught him off guard and in most cases I found that this passive aggressive person he had become talked a lot. The less I said, the more he talked. The once quick to respond person I was didn't give into that anymore. So the arguing and bickering over the settlement stopped. And it made life easier. This is something I learned about in therapy. When my therapist told me that I needed to stop arguing back and just take the time to process before reacting by saying things like, "ok, I'll think about it" or "ok, I'll get back to you on that" I didn't want to because then I would be submissive and I didn't want to be submissive. She said "honey, you're already submissive." It was true. How did I not realize that? I had held back a lot because I let hurtful word get the best of me and it just broke my confidence and spirit. But now dealing with each other is much easier, even though we don't always agree or see eye to eye. Now why couldn't we do this and stay married? Because I think therapy helped me a lot and together maybe we could have, but he refused therapy. Just because we are civil to each other now doesn't mean we can co-exist. I have to deal with this guy for the rest of my life, so I'll do what I need to do to make it go smoothly for me and the boys.
I think we're all submissive to a degree. And who cares. Just make sure you use it the right way.

I like music. Lots of music

Driving in the car one day my mother says "I'm always surprised by your choice of music. I always expect you to be listening to something loud and crazy"...I had on Mumford and Sons at the time. I agree, there was a time that all my music was "loud and crazy". I guess I've toned it down in my old age, to a degree. I mean, come on, I used to listen to the Sex Pistols for Christ's sake. My own mother knows this is not my typical music. But I have to admit, I've gotten exposed to a lot of different music over time and I like it. Sure, Jason Mraz sounds nothing like Kurt Cobain, but even I don't think everything I listen to has to have that same raw aggressiveness that the early 90's had. Or the electric drum beats of the 80's. I've think I've been overexposing myself to new music. Almost like a challenge for me to like it... new music. Like it was wrong of me to still have Depeche Mode or Duran Duran on my iPod. Then one day I realized, why can't I still listen to all my old fav's? Heck, my mom and cousins still listen to "oldies", so why can't I listen to my "oldies". Those were some of the best times I had. Sleeping out all night in front of the record store before they started that whole wristband bullshit! FIRST COME FIRST SERVE! It was an amazing experience. I didn't do drugs or drink, I just liked being there. Me, my friend Viv and a hundred other crazy people out there for one goal, floor seats. In the morning my dad would come to the record store with chorizo burritos and hot chocolate for me and Viv. I felt so special, but it was probably an excuse to make sure we were ok. I don't blame him if it was, but I didn't think of it that way. My parents would always take us to these concerts and I mean all over the place. Man I lived for those concerts. The first concert was Rick Springfield at the Great Western Form. We were 15 years old and from then on it was concert after concert. Depeche Mode at the Rosebowl, Social Distortion at the Paladium, The Ramons at the Reseda Country Club, B-52's at Irving Medows. I even made my way on stage at an OMD concert and did the famous 80's dance with the singer before being escorted out by security. Once I started to drive, there was nowhere I wouldn't go. A few of my friends and I even went up to San Francisco for a Tibetan Freedom concert at Golden Gate Park where Rage Against the Machine, Smashing Pumpkins, and Red Hot Chili Peppers played, to name a few. Ahhhh, music festival. Been to plenty of those, including the first Coachella Festival, Weenie Roasts, and Lollapaloozas. Yup, those were some fun times, which is why I still connect so much with those bands and those songs. I don't dislike all new music, but I'm very selective about it. I mean, I really have to like it. So blending my music is not a crime, like I made it out to be in my own head. I've got my old stand by's back on the iPod and I still love going to concerts. Old bands and new, I'm there.

If this is what it was all for, then I'm OK with it

I was sitting at my desk this morning at work when a dear friend of mine came to me in tears. She feared her sister's cancer was back because she had developed a rash in the same place where she had radiation therapy years ago. This happens to me a lot. When every someone gets cancer or know someone who has or had cancer, they feel compelled to come to me. I'm not sure if they are seeking answers, comfort or both. I'm not complaining; it's actually an honor that they feel comfortable to be so vulnerable with me. That my own experience with cancer makes it easy for them to come to me with question or just a shoulder to cry on. My diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma was way back on Nov 13, 2001 and after 7 months of chemo, here I am. I remember the last day of my chemo was the same day another person at my work was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Ever since then people will come to me about their own cancer experience.
My friend's sister has been on a rough road. On top of her own cancer experience several years ago, her son was born with a heart defect and has had numerous surgeries. He is right now dealing with some non-cancerous tumors in his head near his brain. He's had nerve damage in his face and may never regain feeling. This family has been thru so much, and my friend has been keeping me posted about her nephew. But today she reached her breaking point. I told her that her sister has been under so much stress, and maybe it was stress related. Or perhaps it was just a long term side affect of the radiation she had. I said, at least we can be thankful that this didn't happen while her nephew was still in the hospital. He was just released last week, and they were all home now. It would have been hard for the family to have both the son and the mom in the hospital at the same time. Not to mention, she would not have been able to be with him in the hospital, or maybe even be able to bring him home herself. I told her to put the thought of the cancer coming back out of her head for now until we know what this is and gave her a hug. And then, after lunch, she got the good news. Not cancer! Her sister developed cellulitis, a potentially serious bacterial skin infection that usually starts in the lower leg, but luckily she acted fast and sought treatment early enough. They are going to keep her in the hospital for a couple of days so they can keep an eye on it and give her antibiotics thru IV. I told my friend, her sister will get the to rest she needed now; she agreed. It's easy to take care of all around you, that you forget to take care of yourself. Things happen for a reason and although I'm not a religious person, I do believe that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, no matter what the outcome is. When I left work my friend was so happy again. Happy that here sister was not going down the cancer road again and was going to be fine. I'm glad she let me be there for her

When I'm not busy I'm lazy, but that's 'cause I'm so busy!

No, I didn't run out of words... trust me. I've just been so busy all the time. Funny thing is, I never feel like I'm done with anything, know what I mean. Work, home, kids, sleep, work.... and so on. And then when I feel like I can't do more, I start more stuff! Oh well, at least I doing stuff I like. I joined meetup.com and that's a fun site. Originally I joined to find some play group for kids with Autism. Thought there'd be some fun activities planned around these parts with other families. Unfortunately all the meets ups so far have been on weekends that I don't have the kids, or when we have other things planned. But that's OK, we've got one coming up soon that should be fun. Then I noticed they have other groups too, so I joined a photography meet up group. Something for me to do when the kids are gone. I forgot how much I like taking pictures. And I'm pretty good a it too. I've only gone to one meet up so far because again, most have been when I'm not available. But I've got another lined up in a couple of weeks. I also took up one of those extension courses Pierce College for Sign Language. I like it alot and think I might take it up on the fall...if I can fit one more thing into my busy life. And I've been out on a couple of hikes too. Started a little hike group here at work again for those weekends without the boys. I think I get all these things going so I don't miss them too much when they're gone. Filling the void I guess.
OK, lunchtime at work is almost over, and I have a few more things to do before I get back to work, as usual! Never a dull moment

Well, it's been a while...

Life gets busy, so what else is new right? The boys are doing all the things you would expect 2 growing boys to do. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they make me be silly, they make me yell, they make me happy, they make me mad, they make me happy... ahhhh and that's all in one day!
Today was a rough one for Emileo though. The slightest change will go unnoticed or send him in to a spiral. Today was a spiral. I took a couple of days off of work so we can spend some of their spring vacation together, but going back to work today was not something he expected. And I do prepare him for the unexpected. I have to in order to help him get thru it and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But I know it's something I have to do. So reminding him throughout the day is what I do. But today I got a call. Emileo is having a meltdown. And sometimes I can calm him over the phone, but today he was not having it. And it takes every fiber of my soul not to walk out of work and come running home to help him. And to help my mom, who is here dealing with the episodes. And my baby Diego sometimes has to wait in the shadows while this is played out. I apologized to him today telling him that I know today he was asked to be patient and wait while we helped Emileo. I also told him thank you for being a great little brother and understanding. It's hard for all of us and I want to make sure Diego knows that I appreciate him so that he doesn't ever resent his brother or feel cheated of having his time. Luckily the meltdowns are few and far between now, but when they happen they can be a dozie! Especially the older and stronger he gets! I've been going to an Autism Mixer. It's a meeting session with teachers and parents of autistic children. They are only during the school year so there is only one more. But they are very informative and have some great ideas. The one before last has some great techniques to help comfort the kids. I got some therapy ideas and they seem to help. But still there are just some times when nothing helps, and I just have to let him have his moments and just make sure he's safe and doesn't hurt himself or others. Think of it this way... when we have our moments, sometimes we can deal with the feeling and move on and sometimes we just have to act out a bit to fill better. Emileo has a hard time expressing how he feels so sometimes he just has to act out and instead of forcing him to contain himself and his feelings, I just have to let him let it out. How would you feel if someone forced you to contain your feeling and didn't let you express yourself.
Well, I hope that tomorrow he has a better day...for everyone :)

And so the New Year begins

As much as I LOVE Christmas, I'm ready to move on. I know, that blasphemy for me, right? Don't get me wrong, I still have Christmas songs on my iPod and the kids are still singing Christmas carols, but I ready to get the house back in order. I'm ready to get my life back in order. I've always been in a bit of disarrayment (is that a word?), but that's just how I operate. So organized for me isn't organized for some, but it's comfy. Lived in so to speak. But I've also not been in my own place for almost 6 years now. Sure my mom's place is great, but it wasn't mine. She has her way of doing things and she had her place for things. So now, I'm excited that I can do that in my own home. The last six months living here has been some what of a whirlwind. Getting settled, getting unsettled, getting settled...I don't expect things to be perfect all the time, but the holidays can put me in a bit of a frenzy! So now I've started to put some Christmas things away and putting things back into place. One of the reasons why I'm up so late now, organizing my room a bit. I have projects I want to get started on and I'm ready! Ready to move on with my life